Patience

So we know we haven't posted since November, but we are back! We started this blog out of our passion and calling for adoption, and there has really been no news over the past four months.

Today I got a message from an old friend from elementary school on Facebook. She apparently stumbled across our blog and began reading. In her message she told me that she and her husband also felt called to adoption, and that our blog was a real encouragement to them.

This made us realize three things:

1. Even though our adoption journey hasn't even really begun, we can still be used by God in the ministry of adoption. It was so encouraging to hear that the few and simple words on this blog could affirm other believers in their calling to adopt.

2. We've learned that the time of waiting before our adoption process begins is tremendously important. We know that the things we are learning now are all in preparation for us to fulfill what God has called us to do. We must be careful not to dismiss this time as unimportant; rather, we should embrace it with a passionate longing to soak up everything God has for us.

3. Finally, receiving this message has reminded us that even though adoption seems unreachable at times, we must have faith that God will equip us to do what He has called us to do at the perfect time, at which He will be most glorified. This perspective is vital because it places the focus on God and His glory as opposed to us and our insecurity.

Our current point in the journey toward adoption is summed up really well by a line from one of Ryan's songs. The song says, "Though I may not know the plans that you have for me, I will trust you God. I'm yours for eternity."

We know that we must cling to the truth that God holds us in his hands. This is how we persevere patiently.

Freedom

I had a revelation this week. This occurred because of a conversation I had this week. The person I was talking with was saying that Christianity is really difficult because we can never measure up. At the time of that conversation, I agreed with his statement and we moved on. As I look back now, however, I realize there is more to it than that.

Yes, our inability to measure up makes Christianity difficult. But, it is also the essence of our faith. Our shortcomings make the faith difficult because we get down about ourselves and we realize that we are and never will be good enough or worthy of God's grace. If it weren't for this, though, would there even be any need for Christ? If we could live worthy of grace, then we wouldn't have needed a Savior. So even though this is a difficult part of faith, it is absolutely necessary. This fueled my next train of thought.

The thing that we are trying to measure up to is the Law that the Jews attempted to adhere to for thousands of years unsuccessfully. This Law was and is to this day a huge burden for them. A weight that was and is ever on their shoulders. They simply had no choice; they had/have to live their lives trying to "measure up." I reasoned that if the Law was a burden, and that if Christ came to set us free from the Law, then this truth, that we can never "measure up" should set us free! Instead of making our focus the Law, like followers of God had to do for centuries, we are able to make God himself our focus. The burden of sacrifice is gone, because Christ paid that debt on the cross!

Of course this is not to say that we shouldn't care about living a God-honoring life. In fact Christ called us to a higher standard. But whereas before Christ the Law was upheld in just trying hard and offering animal sacrifices, now if we are pursuing Christ as our ultimate joy and delight then the Law will be upheld. If our sole focus is Christ, then we will live lives that honor and glorify God and his Son.

So don't let your failures drag you down. Bask in the glory of the love and grace of Christ and be free!

Because of Your Love

Don't just look at this as an obligatory post about the title of the blog, for while it is that, it's also so much more.

We have been married now for 6 months and 1 day, and I'm pretty sure I've learned more about life in these past months than I did in the rest of my entire life combined. I think that before I got married, and life completely changed (in an amazing way), I had a pretty narrow view of the world and how it worked, and ultimately of God and how he works. I suppose you could say I had a "textbook" view. You know when you go to school to learn to do something, and then when you get in the real world to actually do it it's nothing like the textbooks describe it as? You have to pretty much relearn everything because unfortunately, what's best in theory is rarely what's best in practice. This is how I was with Christianity. I "knew" how everything was supposed to work. I "knew" how the world was. I "knew" what was right and what was wrong and "knew" which people were good and which were bad. I "knew" a lot of things...then I entered the real world! Suddenly, everything wasn't so black and white. Suddenly, reading my bible and putting a smile on my face didn't make bad things go away. I was at a crossroads to say the least.

This is where my life with Anna comes in. She taught me to be real. I guess I always thought I was pretty real or open or whatever you would call it. I found out quickly that I often was not, and that my "textbook Christianity" didn't answer some very challenging questions about life. Thus, we both began this searching process. Searching for what really matters. Searching for the thing that makes Christianity really make sense.

While we are still on this path, and hopefully will be for the rest of our lives, we stumbled upon something that changed both of our views on life completely. It was so simple, yet I know I had missed it for almost my entire life. The answer is Love. I know I sound like a cheesy romance novel or a Bohemian, but Love really is the answer. This realization drastically changed the way I thought about everything!

So here's what I realized: I have underestimated and undervalued the love shown in and by Christ for pretty much the entirety of my life. This Love is HUGE, and I somehow just missed it. That God in his sovereignty, in his perfection, in his ultimate glory would come here to dwell as a man and die the brutal death of a criminal, so that I would not have to face my own punishment that I rightly deserved! How could I have ever missed the gravity of it! It's unbelievably amazing and I treated it like a second rate birthday present. He "made himself nothing" (Phil. 2) that we would have life! We are his adopted sons and daughters and therefore heirs to his Kingdom for eternity (Gal. 4). All because of His Love and for His Glory! I am resolved never to "get over" this.

When I say resolved I mean actively. Not that I am successful every day or even every week, but I am actively resolved to live my life in light of this unthinkable revelation of God's love. First I had to find out what this meant. How should I live in response? I found this answer in John 13:34-35: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." So there it is. If I am actively resolved never to "get over" the compelling love of Christ then I am to love others as He has loved me! This is obviously no small task, but I desire it to be the purpose behind my every action. I know I have screwed it up. I know I will continue to do so. Regardless, this is it. This is the answer.

So, Anna and I began to pray for direction and that we would live lives that reflect this incredibly simple and incredibly difficult course of action: to love one another. As she mentioned in her last post, we had thrown adoption around as an idea, but never considered anything seriously. I mean after all, we have only been married 6 months right? However, a couple of weeks ago when she was in Alabama for a funeral, she realized that it didn't feel like just an option. It felt more like a passion. As she shared this with me, I began to get on board. We started doing some research and were overwhelmed by the huge need for adoption worldwide. There are more than 140 million orphans in the world! That seemed crazy to us! So it's here that everything comes together.

At an adoption meeting at Second Baptist we were talking with friends beforehand, and one said something that cemented this in our hearts and made an unbelievable connection. She said that one of the most amazing things about adopting her son from Ethiopia was that it gave her a completely new and full idea of the kind of love God showed to us when he adopted us as his children. Everything came together! We were searching for how we would live our lives to reflect this unbelievable love and it shows up right in front of our faces! I don't think anything has ever been so clear! So here it is. This whole journey has led us to Springfield, MO where we feel God has called us to adopt a child, specifically from Russia. We aren't sure when, or with what money, or what the process really even looks like. We know, though, that God has specifically called us to do this as a reflection of His unthinkable love for us. It gives me chills thinking about it.

The actual title "Because of Your Love" is actually the title of a song by Phil Wickham. It pretty much hits the nail on the head and every time I hear it I remember that revelation. Here are the lyrics:

Jesus You endured my pain, Savior You bore all my shame
all because of Your love
Maker of the universe, broken for the sins of the earth
all because of Your love, all because of Your love

because of Your cross, my debt is paid
because of Your blood my sins are washed away
now all of my life, I freely give
because of Your love, because of Your love I live

innocent and holy King, died to set the captive free
all because of Your love
Lord You gave Your life for me, so I will live my life for You
all because of Your love, all because of Your love

You did it for me, You did it for love
it's Your victory, Jesus You are enough

Couldn't have said it better myself in a million years. So this is why we live. This is why we want to adopt. Because of Your Love.

Our Journey Begins Here

We were married May 23, 2009. I guess you would say we are newlyweds. It's crazy how time really does fly. Even though we have only been married 6 months sometimes it feels like 10 years. We live 8 hours away from our family so we really only have each other to depend on when times are hard. These past 6 months have had their ups and downs, but I'm so thankful that I got to go through the ups and downs with Ryan, and I know there will be many more in the future. He is so amazing in every way possible. He's still in school but will graduate in May and is also working full time at Second Baptist as a worship leader. So he definitely has his plate full. Add having me as his wife, and I know it has to put him overboard sometimes! I know that he loves me and would do anything in the world for me and I would do the same for him.

It's funny how God throws you curve balls. Curve ball #1: I met a man who is 3 years younger than me but understands me like nobody else in the world! Curve ball #2: We were apart for our entire engagement b/c he was living in Missouri working and doing school full time while i finished at University of Alabama (which we now both call our home). Curve ball #3: We have only been married 6 months, and we both feel led to adoption. I had always thought that I would have my own kids; I knew exactly how many I wanted and already had names picked out. Since we have been married we have mentioned adoption very lightly but we haven't been married that long so it hasn't been the first thing on our minds. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that we both felt God pulling at our hearts to adopt from Russia. We know that we want to be married at least a year before we start the adoption process but after hearing and reading story after story of the process of adoption, I feel that's not even long enough to prepare myself for something like this.

I am that type of person who likes to know how everything is going to turn out before I walk down a certain path. I like for things to be laid out in detail and for me to be able to jump over the obstacles with ease. I'm starting to figure out and realize that for a process like this, we can't have everything figured out. But I know that someone already does and that's God. I stress over the little stuff while my husband sits back and doesn't have a stressed bone in his body. I know that I already have to give this idea of adoption to God because I know I can't get through it with it being in my hands.

So as of right now, I ask you to say a quick prayer for us, to allow God to open our hearts to whatever he has planned for the time leading us to the process, to the time we begin the process, and to the time where we finish the process. Pray that I won't worry about the money aspect, or what some people may say about the process being difficult. Pray for us to know that God has placed this feeling in our hearts for a reason, and that that reason is to adopt our first child from Russia!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27